Social media can be depressing; everybody's life looks so perfect, but it isn't so, even for Bloggers like me. It may look like I have this carefree life on Instagram, with loads of clothes and nothing else to do other than take photos of myself. In fact, the past 6 months I haven't blogged too much due to depression.
It started more than a year ago when my friend's son committed suicide. Somehow I got involved the last week of his life and tried getting his mom to do an intervention. It obviously didn't work. From the moment I learned he had died, I could not sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I would start thinking terrible thoughts and see terrible scenes. I went months like this not knowing that I was slowly sinking in to a depression. It happened so gradually that I really didn't realize it until I was worrying about catastrophes all day long. It took about 11 months after the suicide for me to realize that it had started a waterfall of feelings and memories from which I had never dealt when I was younger.
When I was 19 I sunk in to a deep depression after transferring colleges where I had a hard time making friends. I felt very isolated and was judging myself so harshly for making a mistake in transferring schools. There were no medications back then, so somehow I muddled through it and transferred back to my original college, which I wasn't so crazy about to begin with. Eventually, it just went away, (and I feel fortunate because it doesn't always disappear). Until it didn't.
My doctor and I had a hard time finding a medication that would work. Two of them made me feel shaky where I couldn't control my muscles. I stayed on each of them too long because they were helping me sleep for the first time in months. Finally, I stopped and tried a couple more; and ultimately we found a combination of drugs that let me find some peace of mind. I still need to see a therapist to talk this through, but I haven't stayed at home long enough to find someone.
If you are to look at my Instagram photos on http://instagram.com/fashionoverfifty.wendy, it will look like I had this perfect life, which was far from true. That is one reason I am writing this blog post, so that women and young girls do not fall victim to comparing their lives with the bloggers they follow. You never know what is going on behind the scenes, and no one's life is perfect. Every blogger has a story of difficult times, I can almost guarantee it. And hard times do pass, as I have seen. Today, I am doing much better. It would still be good to find a therapist, if anyone knows of a good one!!
So remember, while perusing the internet, whether it be Instagram, Facebook, Snapchat, or some other format that I don't know about, keep me in mind. Know that everything is not as it seems.